Sneak Peek Into Think Like A Butterfly

Think Like A Butterfly

It may seem impossible

It may seem a dream

But you can have what you want

With a little self-esteem

You can take yourself anywhere

Though it seems strange

Remember my advice

If you wish to change

It’s your mind that determines

If you sink or fly high

To grow from a caterpillar

Think like a butterfly

Like what you read? There’s 104 more poems like this in Think Like A Butterfly, on sale on Amazon now!

Depression and Promises

So, I haven’t been posting. At all. Which is really crappy because I promised myself AND all of you that I would. So, I’m sorry.

It’s been a depressing month. My job has been rough. My lupus and psoriasis has been out of control. The anxiety about the coronavirus pandemic is really bothering me. And I’ve been in the deepest, darkest depression of my life.

It’s kind of ironic really. I wrote a book on depression. And then I got super depressed. Maybe I should have predicted this?

But, needless to say, work and college have been all I could handle in the last month (or so) that I’ve been away. I still apologize for breaking my promise, but mostly because I made the promise in the first place.

Because I have a mental disorder. Of course I wasn’t going to be able to post regularly like normal, healthy, motivated people! Depression saps all of that motivation, that ambition, away and leaves a dry husk of a human shell behind that struggles to simply survive. Thriving was a long way away.

So, yeah. No promises like that anymore. But I can promise this: I won’t give up. Disappear for a while? Maybe. Talk about dark relationships and messed up stuff. Probably. But never give up.

Never surrender.

Coping Skills

Right now, I find myself in a deep, dark depression, so it’s a great time to talk about coping skills!

When I’m depressed, I usually bury myself in video games, books, tv shows, or movies until I finally get some energy to strive for something productive. Work and school become almost too much, and I have to fight, daily, to continue with my routine and keep pushing forward.

One of the coping skills I’ve learned to deal with it is to make myself take intermittent breaks in my reading, games, or tv time, and spend that time doing something productive. If I’m too far gone for that, I make myself do something productive before rewarding myself with the favored activity of the day.

Because “zoning out” when I’m depressed, while a good distraction from my negative thoughts and lack of productivity (books and movies and video games even give you a sense of accomplishment to off-set that lack of productivity), isn’t very conducive to my overall goals. Zoning out is a coping skill I learned for my depression early on, but it’s caused me a lot of trouble in achieving my dreams. Books don’t get written if you spend months at a time doing whatever it is that will distract you from your depressed mind the most.

However, it IS better than ruminating on my negative thoughts. Days where I let my brain beat me up instead of immersing myself in some distracting activity, are the days I contemplate suicide or cutting the most. Thus, zoning out, for all of it’s negative problems, IS a coping skill. But it isn’t the healthiest coping skill.

How do you cope with your mental illness? Is there something you find helps the most whenever you’re having a specific problem? Honestly, I could use the inspiration right now, as I’m having a bad month!

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash


If the darkness surrounds you

And hope seems too far

How do you push forward

To wish upon a star?

Everything seems too hard

Just an impossible dream

And I just know I can’t make it

As crazy as that may seem

It’s too much to push on

To get out of bed

No energy to drive me

To even raise my head

I lay here unmoving

But for a single tear

Stuck in this feeling

Because of all I fear

Photo by Cherry Laithang on Unsplash

Chronic Depression

I have a theory about chronic depression. Mostly because I’ve been a long-time sufferer of this condition myself, and watched my mother suffer through it throughout my childhood.

My theory also came from a recent experience I went through when I fell and chipped my knee. My knee sustained so much damage from that one injury, that now when I experience falls that I would not have worried about before, I’m terrified that I’ll shatter my kneecap altogether.

You see, that one fall damaged the bone so much, it made future injuries more likely. We all accept this about physical bones and organs. But why has no one ever said this about the brain?

My theory is that chronic depression is an early injury to the part of your brain that handles guilt. And every day, most of us go through our lives with small injuries to this part of the brain. We accidentally dropped something, elbowed someone, heard someone call us a name. Now, someone who never sustained major injury to this part of the brain, will have a mental “stumble” as it were, but otherwise, would get back up and continue business as usual.

But someone with a prior massive injury? Well, it breaks us. Our brains start beating us up for “no reason” and we become depressed. What’s worse, we beat ourselves up over the fact that we’re broken for supposedly no reason! Considering the damage was originally done to the part of the brain that processes that guilt, we’re deepening the damage, almost like taking a crowbar to a broken leg!

I truly believe that that’s how chronic depression truly works, and that whether the damage in question is caused by genetics or trauma, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that those suffering from chronic depression realize that though seemingly small damage is easy for a healthy brain to process, a damaged one needs more time to heal.

Personally, thinking this way has given me more patience with myself whenever my brain breaks over a seemingly harmless detail. So I wanted to share it with my fellow depression sufferers in the hope of relieving just that little more pain for all of you!

Stay hopeful, everyone!

Release of Think Like A Butterfly

My first-ever book is launching on Amazon.com and I want EVERYONE to hear about it!

Kindle Edition

Paperback Edition

Hi! I’m T. E. Albertson, and I suffer from chronic depression. It’s prevented me from pursuing my dreams for as long as I’ve been alive, but I finally decided not to suffer alone anymore! Think Like A Butterfly is my cathartic release, my sharing of my long-term battle with depression with the world, and maybe, my way to bring hope to a few of you out there who just might be suffering with me.

This anthology is separated into three sections, each cataloging a different part of my depression:

Depths of Despair

Seeds of Hope

Hope Springs Eternal

The darkest moments of my life are open for any of you to read in Depths of Despair, and you can know you are not alone when you feel that way. It’s a reminder that all of us can really need sometimes.

Seeds of Hope is that fresh, new hope you get just as you’re coming out of a bad depression. You feel like you could do some little things, but the big things still look like too much work. This is a reminder of that taste of fresh hope, something it’s easy to forget even exists when you’re in a bad depression.

Hope Springs Eternal is my final section, and my personal favorite. It’s where my hope truly starts to shine, I believe I really can do it all. Even write a book. This section is the reminder that even people with depression can do ANYTHING they set their hearts and minds on.

I invite everyone who has depression to read this anthology. It may be just a book of poetry. Or it may be just the thing you need to hear to bring you that first ray of hope in a bad depression.

Regardless, stay hopeful!

Don’t Let Mental Illness Defeat You

I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, several phobias, am co-dependent, and am slightly disassociative. This has made me struggle with many things in my life, but especially in achieving my dreams. Of owning a blog. Of becoming an author. Of becoming a homesteader. Of being married and having kids. Of travelling.

I honestly could go on for a while.

But one day, not too long ago, I woke up and said, “No more.” I have enough pain and sadness in my life and I’m tired of my dreams being yet another source of it.

I decided to make my dreams happen.

Not all at once, of course. For one, I’m not rich. For another, it wouldn’t be realistic to even try. My mental illnesses don’t mean I can’t succeed in life, but they DO mean that I have to go a little slower than the average Joe (or Josie, as the case may be).

So, I started to plan.

Now, I haven’t been entirely successful. For one, I planned to write a blog 2 months ago. I also planned to publish my e-book of poetry before I was 30. I’m 2 weeks late on that deadline. Not to mention, I planned to steadily release poems and pictures on Instagram every day as a little teaser about my book coming out.

None of that has gone as planned. For one, I’m not as steady as I like. I’m determined to write a blog post on here twice a week, but I’ve had to be honest with myself and realize, every day is just too much for my poor brain.

For another, time sometimes just…gets away from those of us with mental illnesses.

But I’m not beating myself up over those lapses anymore. I’m just continuing on anyway, in the face of those defeats, and slowly, steadily, my dreams are happening.

It’s not as perfect as my slight OCD tendencies wanted it. It isn’t as complicated, either, which means my poor brain can make it happen even with it’s lapses.

What I’m trying to say, folks, is this: There is hope.

If you have a mental illness, and even if it isn’t on my list, don’t let it be the reason you let go of your dreams. You might not get there as fast as you want, but you WILL get there. Just keep swimming! You’ll make it.

I finally believe that.